Confessional

I feel like Photoshoots have given me a medium to speak to people with. I cant help but realize b/c of my love of shooting, behind and infront of the cam iv met so many awesome ppl that I wouldnt have otherwise. It lets me go into a mindset where I dont feel awkward and hermity.It lets me surpass a lot of the anxiety I grew up and struggled with. I rarely want to go out unless its for a shoot. But when im shooting I feel like Im a better version of myself. I get trapped in the bathroom if a spider shows up in the doorframe. But iv had one touch me during photos and been okay. Im always so dizzy and have horrible balance. Im as graceful as a moose. But when im shooting I effortlessly hop about one footed in high heels on 3" diameter poles. Its bonded me to the very best of my friends. Without it I would have never met Nana Valtieland never had the "fountain experience" which ended up being the year Shannon McBride & I shattered all our socially awkward ice that had been there for YEARS! It lets me put all my anger and frustration into energy that is productive. And let me say, im a pretty pist off person inside. To be honest, its even part of whats making me want to learn how to get over my fear of driving so I can do more of what I love. I dont think im very good at business. Or that im the best at what I do.And im always faced with the fear that the older I get the less chance for success I have. But I know i cant live life without doing it. If something means enough to you- you find ways to make it work. Otherwise? You find excuses.